Short version

Late for the party, huh?

Don’t worry, buddy! I’ll introduce you.

What happened?

I lost 5 kilos, felt great, benchpressed 100 kilos (220 lbs) and had no health issues what so ever.

What did I eat?

What ever I wanted. You can see exactly what I ate each day, along with a calorie count, but it’s mostly Bic Macs and Cheeseburgers.

What should you read?

I suppose the most fun ones are the weigh ins. That’ll be

day 7 

day 14

day 21

day 28

What’s next?

I liked the diet so much I’m currently looking for someone to financially help me start a happy meal-diet. When I get that ball rollin’ I’ll let you know!

Peace and love, you space monkey-you!

Day 30 – What ever doesn't kill me…

I thought I’d finish with a bang

Last day. I’ll miss this thing. Both the eating and the writing. The only thing left after this post will be a follow up in a few weeks, and maybe a “high lights”

The total wight loss is 4.9 kilos (10.8 lbs) If you’re interested in that, I’ll address it later in this post. I have been for health checkups and both my heart and my blood levels are perfectly fine.

After some contemplation I figured out how to end this blog. I have been getting letters from people who claim that I’m going unrealistically low on the calories. I took this criticism to heart and I strolled down to McD’s for my last meal. There I engaged in an interaction with the nice man behind the counter. It went a little something like this:

McKlas: Young man! May I have a Mcfeast?

McClerk: Of course you may, you handsome devil! Will that be all?

McKlas: Oh no… no no no no nooo! You, my good chump, are in for a bumpy ride! You know how the McFeast has a quarter pound meat patty?

McClerk: I do indeed

McKlas: Well, quadruple that for me!

McClerk: Dang sir! That’s insane in the membrane!

McKlas: You think THAT’S insane? I’ll show you! Give me four degrees of extra cheese

McClerk: Sir, please, you’re making a…

McKlas: SHUT THAT FILTHY HOLE IN YOUR FACE, BOY! Make it bacon…

McClerk: But sir… You will create an… ULTRA MAC

McKlas: GOD DAMN RIGHT I WILL! Now make that damn dirty chef you got hiding back there to put bacon on every single beef patty or so help me God, I will burn this place to the ground!

McClerk: Yes sir. w-w-would that be all?

McKlas: I’d like a strawberry pie for dessert.

McClerk: I’ll have that for you in just a few minutes

McKlas: Thank you so much!

I am of course paraphrasing. There was no microphone, but I think that’s about the gist of it.

So, what are my thoughts after this little experiment? Mainly that McDonalds didn’t seem to have very much effect on me. My mood was very good during the entire time. I think the reason I lost weight had very little to do with the actual food. Here are my top three guesses as to why I lost weight

1. There was no snacking. When I wanted to eat, I had to get my lazy butt to McDonalds. None of that mindless eating in front of the computer.

2. Portion size. When cooking yourself you decide the portion size. When you eat at a restaurant, you get what you get and when that’s gone you’re done. There are no seconds. Plus, at Mcdonalds, counting calories is made really easy with the portions, so you know exactly when you’ve eaten too much.

3. The price. When you’re a man (or a sweet sweet lady) with limited funds, the price of a swedish Mcdonalds will make you plan your meals. You become economical from both a caloric and a financial stand point.

Again, I’d like to make clear: I do not think McDonalds is the healthiest food you could ever eat, however I believe it is not bad food. If you want to lose weight as fast as possible, stop eating, period. If you suffer from diabetes, stop eating carbs. Just don’t be fearful of McDonalds. The food is fine and so are you, as long as you remember to keep it reasonable.

So, what’s reasonable?

1 Ultra Mac – Aprox 1500 kcal

1/2 Medium Fries – 150 kcal

Large Diet Coke – 0 kcal

Pie (strawberry/vanilla) – 270 kcal

Cheeseburger – 300 kcal

Small Fries – 210 kcal

Pineapple –  30 kcal

Small diet coke zero – 0 kcal

and that will make for a reasonable 2460 kcal

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This last quote of mine will not be an original. It’ll be something I got from my dad and it’s so lovely I thought it’d be a good way to leave off:

“Be kind to all things that suffer, but be most kind to man for she suffers the most”

Day 29 – The end is nigh!

Repent!

Or don’t. It’s cool either way. The Buddha says one can only reach Nirvana when one is ready, and not a single moment earlier, so… you know… Groove on that, you little space monkeys!

Today I spent most of the day playing soccer and giving away free stuff. That’s work for ya.

Tomorrow I’ll get a visit from my dad and I’ll be cheering him on as he runs a 10 k. Go dad!

Is your dad going to run a 10 k tomorrow? Didn’t think so. Ergo: My dad is better than your dad. Logical fact!

Am I sick of McDonalds yet? Not a bit! As a matter of fact I demolished:

Big mac – 495 kcal

Cheeseburger – 300 kcal

Medium Fries – 300 kcal

Large Diet Coke – 0 kcal

Pie (strawberry/vanilla) 270 kcal

Sundae (strawberry) – 265 kcal

And it was worth every last one of those 1630 kcal

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We all know the general direction we want to go, so just start walking

Day 28 – Weigh in

Why’s everybody’s always picking on me?

Junk food they say. Lots of carbs and fat they say. When you make pasta carbonara however, that is not junk food. What’s with the “junk”?

I’d like to tell you all about the different things I did today, like getting my blood tested (142 g/l) or converting a christian to… what ever it is I belive, but that’s not what you want to hear, is it?

The weigh in is done, the results are in…  and I’ve lost another 0.8 kilos (1.7 lbs) That’s a total weight loss of 4,9 kilos (10.8 lbs) WAZZUP?!

Let’s look through the trash!

Big mac – 495 kcal

Cheeseburger – 300 kcal

Medium Fries – 300 kcal

Large Diet Coke – 0 kcal

Pie (strawberry/vanilla) 270 kcal

0.5 Peppar Jack – 308 kcal

That’s two snot rags and 1673 kcal

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Most things will turn out allright, even the ones that don’t will pass

Day 27 – The Contender

I’m in a cup y’all

And that’s just plain crazy! I don’t even know what it means. Perhaps it could be a dirty euphemism? 

I went boxing today, and it was good. I punched so many people in their adorable little faces. It was all like Pow! Whack! Boom! Twonk!

What else? Had myself a little Peppar Jack. This is McDonalds new burger here in Sweden. So, how do I feel about this newcomer? It’s allright. No major complaints. 

Just a few more days now. It’ll be nice to have some of that sweet sweet candy. I miss my candy.

Big weigh in tomorrow! Are we excited? You bet your adorable little buns we are!

What’s here in the cup with me?

Cheeseburger – 300 kcal

Small Fries – 210 kcal

Pineapple –  30 kcal

Small diet cola zero – 0 kcal

Sundae (toffee) – 265 kcal

1.5 Peppar Jack – 938 kcal

Medium Fries – 300 kcal

Large Diet Coke – 0 kcal

McFlurry Daim 310 kcal

That leaves room for no less than 2353 kcal

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A non-talented man is going to have a hard time becoming world champion. If his goals are set any lower than that; a bit of training and he’ll be fine.

Day 26 – McMouse

Today I’m a mouse!

A tired mouse. Why do I keep doing these things so late?

My pet rat is running all over my desk with great gusto. I love that wacky little dummkopf. He seems so into everything around him, sniffing like his little short sighted life depended on it. If he was in my shoes he’d sniff the neighbours. He’d sniff the house. He’d sniff stangers passing by and when that didn’t float his boat anymore, he’d travel and sniff the world. 

Worked out for the first time in weeks today. It’s nice to get back in there. Tomorrow I’ll box any and all takers. Worked for four hours and then spent the evening/night with friends. I’m in good health and good mood. Weigh in on day 28. Looking forward to it!

What’s that I smell?

Cheeseburger – 300 kcal

Small Fries – 210 kcal

Pineapple –  30 kcal

Small diet cola zero – 0 kcal

Cheeseburger – 300 kcal

Small Fries – 210 kcal

Pineapple –  30 kcal

Small diet cola zero – 0 kcal

Cheeseburger – 300 kcal

McFlurry Daim 310 kcal

Deep breath – 1690 kcal

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If you worry about  everybody else, someone else will worry about you

Day 25 – Don’t let it get away!

Oh sunny day!

Too bad I was shut in working all day. After eight hours of saying “thank you” it starts sounding weird, like a made up word. I like to imagine it being some awful insult in a foreign language only me and my customers share. That way, whenever someone is mean I get to go: “I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more help to you. Thank you!”

Sometimes when someone goes “Thank you” I go “No, not at all. Thank you!” and in my imaginary world it’s something like “Thank me? THANK ME?! OH SNAP!! You listen to me buddy and you listen close: THANK – YOOOU!“

What’ll it be then?

Big mac – 495 kcal

Cheeseburger – 300 kcal

Small Fries – 210 kcal

Apple slices – 25 kcal

Pie (strawberry/vanilla) – 270 kcal

McFlurry Daim 310 kcal

1610 kcal… thank you!

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As far as the universe goes: If there’s a gas station that you’ll take a left after, the gas station is the speed of light

Day 24 – Dog eat dog

Watch out!

These lazy summer days will get ya. Luckily tomorrow I have work. It’s always good to get a bit of contrast.

A few days ago I stumbled across a thought and I think this might just be the perfect forum for it.

So, I saw this young lady walking down the street. She was beautiful and it was a nice, sunny day so she was dressed in a way that makes red blooded men rest their eyes on her for an extra second or two. On the road comes this car. It slows down next to her. A young man sticks his head out the passenger window and yells something akin to “Oeuuuuuh!” The car drives off and the girl keeps walking.

As I was witnessing this extraordinary communication between the sexes I was listening to Eric Claptons “Wonderful tonight” and it struck me: Where Eric Clapton says “And the wonder of it all is that you don’t realize how much I love you” the guy in the car goes “Oeuuuuuh!”. They’re both saying the same thing: “I want you!” Some might say that Mr Clapton is more sincere but I’m not sure if I agree. We don’t know if the guy in the car imagined meeting this girl, sharing interests, falling in love fast and hard, kissing by candle light, moving in together, having their first kid, growing old in each others arms, before sticking his head out the window. Maybe he tried to compress all of these emotions into something he could express before she was gone forever, and maybe it came out “Oeuuuuuh!” We do not know.

Oh well, let’s try our own interpretation of “Oeuuuuuh!”

Cheeseburger – 300 kcal

Small Fries – 210 kcal

Pineapple –  30 kcal

Small diet cola zero – 0 kcal

Pie (strawberry/vanilla) – 270 kcal

Big mac – 495 kcal

Medium Fries – 300 kcal

Cheeseburger – 300 kcal

Large Diet Coke – 0 kcal

McFlurry Daim 310 kcal

Therefore true love is exactly 2215 kcal 

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If you think there’s a difference between doing something ironically and just doing it, you might be… young

Day 23 – It’s a beautiful day!

Take a deep breath!

One good thing about living in Sweden is that you know to appreciate sunny days. Today was a gorgeous one, so I ran a 10 K. Where did I run you ask… really? They’ve got this new thing where every McDonalds has a different toy on different days, so if you want a new toy you have to go to a new McD’s. I ran.

Helped my sis paint her new apartment tonight. It’s amazing how much a coat of paint can do. The place went from crappy-hippie-hangout to a pretty nice place within four hours. A man once told me that whenever you’re doing something wrong, you’re just an inch away from doing it perfectly. You just gotta find that inch and move it.

How much is an inch then?

Cheeseburger – 300 kcal

Small Fries – 210 kcal

Pineapple –  30 kcal

Small diet cola zero – 0 kcal

Pie (strawberry/vanilla) – 270 kcal

Cheeseburger – 300 kcal

Small Fries – 210 kcal

Pineapple –  30 kcal

Small carbonated water – 0 kcal

Cheeseburger – 300 kcal

Small Fries – 210 kcal

Pineapple –  30 kcal

Small diet cola zero – 0 kcal

Pie (strawberry/vanilla) – 270 kcal

Cheeseburger – 300 kcal

And a foot is 2460 kcal… That’s the US system for ya

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Find that inch, and move it

Day 22 – McAttack

They’re out to get ya!

At least that’s my general impression. I might be wrong. I’m probably wrong. Yep, I’m wrong. It’s confirmed, I’m a wrong cake with double frosting. Blame this guy. Right here. I’m the muppet in this production.

Today I washed my clothes and ate a lot ’cause I was bored. I’ll do better tomorrow. Who knows? Maybe I’ll write another book.

Now y’all fasten your seat belts, and we’ll take off! 

McBengt – 780 kcal

Big mac – 495 kcal

Cheeseburger – 300 kcal

Small Fries – 210 kcal

Pineapple –  30 kcal

Milk – 120 kcal

Cheeseburger – 300 kcal

Small Fries – 210 kcal

Pineapple –  30 kcal

Large diet cola zero – 0 kcal

Pie (strawberry/vanilla) – 270 kcal

Pie (strawberry/vanilla) – 270 kcal

And we’ve reached an altitude of 3015 kcal

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Loving yourself is not optional, it’s mandatory